Lost Ones
by halliegirl
Summary: After a disturbing dream, two close friends of Shion go missing. But while searching for someone she's TRYING to love, she falls for someone who she'd never thought possible. Dedicated to Chibi, if that's any indication to the pairing. Ch. 6 up!
1. The Dream

The Dream

Finally my notebook is unleashed! Well, partly. I am struggling greatly with this especially since I've had the worst case of writer's block I have ever had. One that has lasted years. I'm desperately trying to shake this. And Chibi is my inspiration! I had wanted to write a Jr/Shion fic for so long and she did, which I completely fell in love with all of her stories. With my writer's block, I can't hope to have this story compare to your masterpiece, Chibi, but I believe in your ideals to fill this drab world of Xenosaga romance with Jr/Shion-ness so that is precisely what I want to do and why I want to dedicate this to you. Thank you, Chibi! I hope everyone enjoys, especially you Chibi.

Much love to all here and Xenolegacy,

Hallie (Atoli)

Disclaimer: If I owned Xenosaga, Jin wouldn't have died. Shion and Jr. would be together, and KOS-MOS and chaos would still be there with the rest of the party. But since things didn't happen that way, I guess I don't own it, do I?

**Lost Ones**

Chapter 1:

_The Dream_

It seemed like hours since she had arrived at the door to the men's cabin. She paced back and forth. She wanted to share her dreams, her thoughts, and her fears; but somehow she couldn't. Shion Uzuki wanted to tell Allen about the dream she'd had of her brother, but it felt like something held her back. What kept her from opening the deepest, most secretive part of her to him? It wasn't Kevin now. She knew that she had moved on the moment she chose her friends over Kevin and his ideals. Of course, it was hard, but she knew she had made the right choice. The thought of him being that selfish drove her to it.

So it wasn't Kevin. Maybe she felt a bit guilty over how she treated Allen. She knew he loved her, and of course she cared. That's why she tired so hard to love him back. But something kept her from totally giving herself over. She felt she'd made leaps and bounds by reaching to hug him or hold his hand. But something kept her form kissing him. Something kept her from confessing to him and truly opening up to him.

Shion was so deeply troubled in her thoughts that she jumped when the door slid open. "Shion! What are you doing?"

"Uh," she stammered. She turned, only to be face to face with a youthful-looking red-head. "Jr.?"

His blue eyes narrowed with a mix of concern and annoyance. "Well?"

"Sorry. I think I was sleep walking," she lightly joked. "Good night, Jr."

"Shion, you're not a very good liar." Jr. chuckled.

Defeated, she stopped her failing act. "I just couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you up."

He grinned boyishly. "Nah, I get up all the time. I was already awake. You, on the other hand, don't get up for midnight strolls like I do. What's up?"

Her haunted look secretly pained him. He wanted to know what bothered her, but didn't want to say anything. He was afraid he'd make her angry or upset. Jr. knew he was good at offending people. Just when he had given up hope of her saying anything, she spoke. "Would you… mind some company?"

"Walk with me, then." Jr. motioned for her to follow, and began walking at a leisurely pace.

"Albedo…" The sound of his brother's name coming from Shion made Jr. do a double take.

"Huh?" He glanced at Shion. "What about Albedo?" He asked.

The brunette swallowed hard. "Do you ever have dreams about him?"

"Sometimes," he answered with a sigh. "Why?"

Shion looked away. "Does he ever talk to you? Or what about Gaignun?"

"It's Jin, isn't it?" It wasn't really a question.

"Do you…miss them?" She asked in a whisper.

He stared hard at the floor. "Every day."

"Oh." Was all she could say for awhile. When she was sure she could speak again without choking on the words, she started again. "Jin is gone." She begged herself to keep a strong face. What would Jr. think?

Jr. shook his head. "What gave you that idea? You'll see him again, Shion. He's waiting in Lost Jerusalem. You know it. I know it."

"He isn't. It's…hard to explain."

Finally, Jr. stopped walking and stood still. "But, gone? You can't say that, Shion. You don't know if he is or not."

"It sounds stupid, but I felt it when we escaped Michtam. I never said anything, but I heard his voice and I felt him there. Right here." She clasped both hands to her chest, almost as if trying to recapture the feeling of her brother one last time.

The red head nodded, placing a comforting hand on her arm. "It's not stupid. I understand completely. You don't have to say anymore, Shion." He wanted to have her open up to him, tell him more. He wanted to do more for her. Yes, he secretly yearned to embrace her, to comfort her. And Jr. secretly despised Allen for being able to be the one Shion ran to. He knew he was also attracted to Shion. He realized it when she came to talk to him about Albedo. But he suspected he felt it back to when he first met her. He thought about it. Why wouldn't someone be attracted to her? She was intelligent, had a beautiful face, and he found her body extremely easy to look at, especially at those times when she donned those sexy bikinis of hers. Jr. forcefully brought his mind back to less dirty thoughts before it got him in trouble. He sincerely hoped Shion hadn't caught him staring her up and down like a dirty old man.

Thankfully, she hadn't seemed to notice. She was nodding slowly, half taking in what he had been saying to her and half lost in her own thoughts and worries. They continued on until they reached the lobby window in the bar. She gazed out at the surrounding stars. "It's so beautiful out there," she breathed.

He shrugged. "It's big. That's for sure." He glanced over at her in alarm when he heard a sniffle. "Shion…?"

"I'm scared, Jr…"

She sounded so helpless; he couldn't resist reaching a comforting hand to her shoulder. "Why, Shion?"

"Something bad is going to happen. Can't you feel it?" She shuddered. "I can."

Jr. shook his head. "Then it's up to us to be careful from here on out. That's all. Don't worry, Shion. I will always protect you."

"Jr…" Shion's beautiful cheeks tinted pink with a blush. "I-"

"Ah, I mean everyone!" Jr. cut her off quickly before she could finish. "No one's going to get hurt. Everyone'll come back safe, okay?" He scratched the back of his head nervously and shuffled his feet, desperately trying to stave off a blush himself.

"Yeah…" Shion trailed off, giving him an odd look. "I'm kind of getting sleepy now," she yawned. And smiled. "Thanks, Jr."

He grinned at her. "For what?"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, but the smile deepened. "Never mind. But thank you, anyway."

The room was empty for at least a minute before Jr.'s soft reply: "Always, for you, Shion." He stayed in that room for the rest of the night, staring out at the vast scenery of space. Not really watching the stars as much as mulling things over in his head. Finally, at the early morning hour, he turned into bed and fell asleep. Not surprised in the least that he was dreaming of her. But Jr. was sure that it would always be a dream.

Okay that's chapter 1. I'm trying really hard to write it but it may be awhile for me to update. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Maybe I'll try a few one-shots to ease the tension? Dunno. But review if you like and let me know how it is so far. Please be nice to me!! I'm really trying hard and I already feel it sucks, so constructive criticism, please! Thank you so much, guys! Catch ya later-- Hallie (Atoli)


	2. Loss

I'm baaack! Whoa! *ducks a tomato*

Jr.: What the hell do you think you're doing, just coming back in like this after almost a year of not writing?! And only one chapter? Come on!

Hallie: Hehe… yeah sorry about that… Real life got in the way. It happens, you know. Well, now that you've forgiven me, would you care to do the honors, Jr?

Jr.: Like hell I forgive you! But whatever. Disclaimer goes like this: Hallie owns nothing. If she owned Xenosaga it wouldn't even have made it to Episode III taking into account her great fear of finishing projects. *dodges a mallet* Yikes, well I'm outta here!

Chapter 2: Loss

It couldn't have been more than a few hours later after he had finally fallen asleep. The only thing that Jr. knew for certain was that he had just been rudely awakened by a violent shuddering throughout the Elsa. His first instinct was to cling to the side of his bed, preventing himself from being propelled into the walls of the cabin. After he was able to clear his mind from the hazy fog of a dream he couldn't quite remember, he got up and dressed, quickly throwing on a shirt, some pants and his duster. Then he headed for the bridge. Once inside, he hollered out, "What the hell, Tony?! Some of us are trying to sleep, you know!"

He vaguely noticed Shion had entered in after him, Allen beside her. "Is everything all right? What's happened?" She yawned tiredly, wiping her eyes.

"Little Master! We hit something huge! It just appeared out of nowhere! It's a big sort of asteroid or something. The sensors are scrambled, and the engine's fried, though," Hammer said, adjusting his glasses and leaning into the screen. "Before we attempt flight again we're going to have a lot of repair work cut out for us. But look! There appears to be life sustained outside. There is vegetation growing here. So maybe we can get outside to repair it." He paused and took another long look at the monitor. "Think it could be another part of a land mass left behind by Lost Jerusalem?"

"That's way too easy," Tony argued. "Then this would already be the end of our journey. We've only been gone for two months!"

"Just because we find this doesn't mean we're home free," Hammer argued right back. "All I'm saying is that this could be a piece of it left behind. I know it's long gone now."

"Well there's only one way to find out, guys," Jr. cut in. "Let's get on out there and check it out." He pulled one of his handguns out for a quick inspection. Satisfied, he put it back in its place. "Let's move out!"

Allen moved in front of the door, blocking Jr.'s way. "Wait a minute, Jr! We don't know what's out there. I think it would be wise to stay in here and plan a move other than recklessly running out there into who knows what!"

A death glare from Jr. prevented Allen from saying any more. Who was he to give orders to Jr? It was almost as if he was secretly gloating to Jr. It was bad enough that Shion stayed by his side, even though he was a complete wuss. But now he thought he could compare to Jr. enough to give him orders? Jr. was going to put a stop to that right now. "Get the hell out of my way, Allen! This isn't even your ship."

"No, it's not. It's mine," Captain Matthews said, breaking the two up. "And I happen to think it's better to listen to Allen on this one, Little Master."

"Damn it all, if you follow everything _Allen _says, nothing's ever gonna get done! He's too scared of his own shadow to even make a move to find out what the hell slammed into us!" Jr. growled.

"Little Master, please," Shelley was the one who spoke up in Allen's defense. "Do not speak ill of others this way. We are all in this situation together. I believe that Allen's suggestion on the course of action we should take is in the best interest of everyone on this ship, as well. We must think rationally, and not rush into potential dangers without thinking through all of the possibilities."

At this Jr. pushed past Allen. "All right. Fine. Let me know when all of you are ready to find and fix the problems, instead of hiding in here like cowards and waiting for them to fix themselves. Because," his sharp blue eyes narrowed at the group, "I promise they won't."

Everyone watched him leave. After a moment's silence, Shion spoke up. "I'll go get him. Maybe you guys can figure out a plan. When we get back, we'll all be ready to do something, I hope. Right?"

"We'll do our best, Shion!" Mary assured, waving Shion off the bridge. When Allen moved to follow Shion, Mary grabbed him. "Ah, no ya don't! You gotta stay here with us and figure somethin' out! Leave Little Master to Shion. She seems to understand him, after all. They're a lot alike!"

"But…" Allen began to protest.

"After all, it seems to me that Little Master seems to be a bit ticked off at ya for some reason or another, so going with Shion would only bug him more. And that would get us nowhere with 'im," Mary continued her reasoning. "_And… _Don't forget! You came up with this plan in the first place. You're the leader this time, big boy," she finished, teasing.

"That is quite enough, Mary," Shelley said softly. "After all, we have much to discuss, haven't we?"

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Shion didn't have to look too hard to find Jr. He was sitting in the men's cabin, seated on his bed leaning against the wall, reading a book. _The Red Badge of Courage_ was printed on the cover. Shion herself had heard of that book, but had never bothered to read it herself. Of course she knew Jr. took an interest in those types of things. "Hey," she started softly. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," he said coolly, not bothering to look up from his book.

"Look, I understand your worry," she started. "We all are just trying to do what we think is best, and-"

"So, here to defend Allen, too?" His intense blue eyes fixed on to her.

_Those eyes, _she thought, squirming under them. Shion found it hard to speak her next sentence underneath his piercing gaze. "I… I never said that," she stuttered. "I meant that I understand how you feel. I-I'm nervous about this situation, too. I want to just leap out and take action myself. Even running out and getting myself killed is starting to sound better than waiting here for something to happen. We can't go anywhere with the ship in this condition, and with that dream…"

Jr. leapt to his feet. "Nothing's gonna happen to you, Shion! Not anybody! I won't let it!"

"J-Jr?" Shion stammered, feeling mildly uncomfortable with the suppressed angry aura spilling from him, threatening to pour out. Matching his gaze with her own, she calmed a bit. "I see now. You're afraid, too."

Looking away, Jr. fell back onto the bed. "Well, yeah," he confessed. "I guess you could say that when it happens, I just… get angry. Like I want to go out and kill the threat right then and there. I don't like waiting around, feeling like a coward. I want to take care of the problem right away." He chuckled. "Why the hell I'm saying this to you of all people I don't even know myself."

"Maybe because of what I said to you last night?" Shion supplied. "Maybe it bothered you, too. And I'm sorry if it did."

Finally regaining a bit of his composure, Jr. stood once again and attempted a weak grin for her. "Nah, don't worry about it, Shion. It wasn't you." _Like hell it wasn't, _he thought in the back of his mind. It wasn't her fault or anything she did. It was just her very presence that bothered him. It was almost like his feelings toward Sakura. He knew he had lost his first love and would never have her, and it was the same for Shion. Or maybe it was worse with Shion, because he was forced to watch as the woman he wanted was growing closer to another man. And there wasn't a thing he could do about it. Not one thing.

Shion herself sighed. The tension in the room seemed to be getting thicker. She thought that she would be able to help Jr. just the way he'd helped her, but maybe that wasn't the case. For some strange reason, seeing him so unhappy caused her to feel uneasy. She couldn't explain it. She cared for him. He was one of her closest friends, after all, and to be truthfully honest, she always felt safer with him around. No offense to Allen, of course. She knew Allen would do what he could to protect her, but Jr. was a bit better in the combat department. "Well, I guess I'll be going back. They're going to be deciding on a plan of action, so we should be up there." She turned to leave.

"Shion."

Turning to him at the call of her name, she was met with a genuine smile, which strangely caused a blush to grace her cheeks prettily. "Y-yes?"

At this, his smile deepened. "Thanks."

"Sure," she said, turning quickly on her heel and hurrying out of the room. _What in the world is the matter with me?! _She found herself half-asking, half-demanding. Once she reached the bridge, she took a deep breath, hoping that her face wasn't red anymore. The door slid open and she found everyone seated. "What did I miss?"

"We have an idea. One that Little Master would approve of," Shelley answered with a smile.

The Professor, who must have joined the conversation after Shion had left, had a gleam in his eye and took over for Shelley. "It's my golden opportunity to test out my new prototype robotic suit. It's a combat suit designed for people out in space. It should enhance everyone's abilities by ten times at least! I've decided to temporarily name it the Ultra-Tech Arm. We'll see how it lasts. It was actually Assistant #2's idea to test it. Since we only have two suits made, only two can wear it, naturally. We still have the A.G.W.S. which I have taken the liberty of tuning up, myself. So we can send some out in those, while the last two test out the U.T.A. for me."

Allen spoke up. "Since it was my idea, I'll test out the first suit. Anyway, I assisted the Professor in its creation."

"I also assisted them in building it, and I know how it works every bit as much as Allen on how it works, so I will be the second person," Shelley added. "It would only be a waste of time to try and explain the controls to someone on a prototype, so we decided that only those familiar with the U.T.A.'s should test drive them."

Her sister nodded in agreement. "So that leaves me, Shion and Little Master piloting the A.G.W.S. The rest of the crew's hangin' back to fix the Elsa. How's that sound?"

"Good." Jr. spoke up from behind Shion, startling her. "Then let's get the hell outta here!"

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It took only an hour to prepare to leave. They wanted to prep the equipment and make sure there were no noticeable malfunctions before they left. But soon, Allen, Shion, Jr., Shelley and Mary were out exploring the strange mass of land. It was definitely smaller than the last land mass, being maybe half the size. It held a small field where the Elsa had crashed, and then a forest.

_Something's wrong, _Shion thought uneasily. It felt as though something was calling to her from the other side of that forest. "I think… we should go explore beyond that wooded area," she said softly.

"Something the matter, Shion?" Jr. asked, unconsciously stepping closer to her A.G.W.S. unit with his own in a protective fashion. He seemed to pick up on her nervousness right away.

"Um, no, not really," she lied. "I just think it's a good idea to check the entire parameter, right?"

"I think Shion's right," Mary chimed in. "It seems like a smart way to go about things. Think we should split?"

"No," Jr. said, still sensing Shion's fear. "I don't think it's a good idea at this point. Besides, with those crazy untested gadgets the Professor built, I'm not sure if they'll hold up as good as our A.G.W.S. if we run into some kind of trouble."

Allen nodded. "It's safer to stick together."

Not much was said in the few minutes it took to reach that wooded area. Everyone seemed lost in his or her own thoughts. Allen took this time to test out the speeds on his U.T.A. unit, while Shelley and Mary exchanged a few words about the amazing views of the area. Shion was fighting the growing dread, especially since this area looked familiar somehow…

_This place… I know it. But where…? _Her eyes widened. _My dream! Jin, he was standing in the clearing. He kept warning me that I would lose something. Is this what he was warning me about? But… but why?_

Jr. stayed silent, definitely in tune with Shion's emotions. He could feel the fear rising within her, and had to fight to keep his own emotions in check. He didn't want to lose his composure. If he did, he knew he would make the same mistake as he had before, those first times with MOMO. Both times he had almost lost her because he had allowed his anger to get the better of him. Ziggy had been right about making rational decisions, and he realized that now more than ever. So whatever was bothering Shion, Jr. couldn't allow himself to get worked up over it.

They stopped at the clearing. "Hey, everyone! I see something!" Mary exclaimed, pointing to a small marble monument. Just then, a bright light flashed from the stone.

A sudden sharp pain in the temple made Shion cry out. "Sh-Shion?!" Allen stammered.

"Something… is here…" Shion managed. She took a step toward the stone and scanned it.

"You okay, Shion?" Jr. asked. He remembered what Kevin had said about U-DO affecting Shion, and in that instant he definitely felt its presence.

"Y-yeah," she replied. "I just scanned this thing. I think we should leave now."

The glow from the stone intensified. "I think that Shion is right," Shelley agreed. "It would not be wise to stay."

They wasted no time in turning heels and rushing back. Unfortunately, a shockwave emanating from the stone passed through, and the ground began to shake. "Let's pick up the pace, guys!" Jr. shouted. "Let's also hope those guys fixed the Elsa by now, or we're all goners!"

Another sharp pain struck Shion and she stopped in her tracks. "Ugh… Not this again…" She whispered.

"Watch out!" Jr.'s A.G.W.S. shot a missile, blowing apart a heavy chunk of debris that had almost fallen on top of Shion.

Another shockwave struck and Allen cried out, "Hey, I've lost control of the U.T.A.! Shelley!?"

"I… I cannot seem to get my unit to respond, either," she would have sounded calm to anyone else who didn't know her, but Jr. could tell she was terrified.

"Hang on, you two!" Jr. shouted. "Mary, take Shion and get to the Elsa!"

"No! We're all going together!" Shion argued. "Allen, Shelley…!" She made a move to grab onto Allen's mech arm, but cried out in pain as yet another wave of light flashed from the forest, engulfing Allen and Shelley right in front of her.

All Jr. could do was grab onto the stunned Shion and pull her A.G.W.S. away from the seemingly dangerous light. He covered both Shion and Mary until the shaking stopped. When it was over he dared to look up. The light was gone, along with the forest, replaced by darkness and empty space. Allen and Shelley were also gone. "Damn it…" Jr. cursed, trying to make sense of it.

All was silent now, save Mary's soft weeping for her sister. "Wh-what happened…?" She whimpered.

"Mary, are you okay?" Jr. asked shakily. He heard a faint reply and turned his attention to Shion. "How about you?"

"That… was the power of U-DO… right?" She asked weakly. "I… don't feel so well… And Allen and Shelley are…"

"Don't worry about it," Jr. cut her off. "Save your strength. Mary, take Shion back to the Elsa. I'm gonna stay and look for Allen and Shelley." He felt the pressing need to get Shion out of there. If Shion was admitting that she was feeling ill, he supposed she was in a rather serious condition.

Mary, too much in shock over what just happened, obeyed in a silent stupor. She guided Shion back in stunned silence to the Elsa.

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After hours of tireless searching, Jr. found nothing. He could feel the presence of U-DO everywhere, which worried him. "I thought U-DO wanted us to succeed. Just what the hell is going on?" He kept asking himself.

A transmission from the Elsa interrupted his thoughts. "Little Master, we're picking up major dimensional disturbances in the direct vicinity. We need to get out of here, and fast!" Hammer's panicked voice rang through.

"But what about the others?" Jr. demanded.

"Not a trace, yet, but if we disappear, too, we won't be able to do much to find them," he pointed out.

Jr. reluctantly returned to the Elsa and watched through the lounge window as the small land mass became smaller and smaller, then disappeared in an explosion of light. "Damn it…"

"Little Master? The Professor sent me to get you," the Professor's assistant said. "It's about Shion."

"Shion?!" Jr. whirled around, blue eyes stormy. "What about her?"

"Come with me."

**Author's note: **Wow! After almost a year, I have finally come up with the second chapter. I am so sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth, to everyone who started this story. But for your relief, I finally think I may have a good idea in my head. I have been struck by the wonderful light of inspiration.

I have had a truly trying year, from huge life altering problems, to hectic schedules. But maybe in the end that is what gave me the inspiration to write. I have always seemed to be hit with inspiration when terribly stressed. As a result, unfortunately, it seems this story may lean toward the angst category, and I must apologize for that. But what's important to me is that I will do my absolute best in finishing this story. I hope that you all will enjoy this, as it came from my stressed and depressed mind. Please feel free to review and let me know. Please, though, be gentle! Thank you and I assure you that I am already hard at work on the next chapter!

– Sincerely, Hallie (Atoli)


	3. Deja Vu

Hi there! Back again for another chappie! I don't have much to say up here, I think I'll say it all at the end, so on with the Disclaimer, then story!

Disclaimer: If I owned Xenosaga, Jr. would be MINE! MWAHAHAHA! Nice thought, anyway, but I don't. Hey, life sucks, doesn't it? :/

**Chapter 3: Déjà Vu**

Jr. said nothing as Scott led him down to the lab. His mind was racing, and he kept wondering how so much could go wrong in such a short time. His heart leapt up to his throat when he saw Shion lying on what was once a maintenance bed, now being used as a sick bay bed. "Shion!" He ran over to her.

"Jr…?" She asked weakly, opening her glassy emerald eyes to see him. "Allen…? Shelley…?"

"They… They're fine," he lied, not wanting to put any more stress on her.

"Come on, boy," the Professor said, leading him out of the room. Once out, he asked, "So tell me. What's wrong with the girlie?"

"She is sensitive to U-DO waves," Jr. replied, clenching his fists. "Every time she comes into contact with it, she gets weaker. And this place is swarming with them."

"Hm… that blondie spoke of the same thing, when she first brought her in. She also mentioned something about you once using your powers as therapy for someone who'd been incapacitated due to U-DO once a long time ago," the Professor said. "She said you'd be able to better explain it."

Jr. shook his head violently. "I can't do that. I have no control over my powers. I could just as much kill her as help her. It's been so long. And…" he looked away. "I couldn't even save her that time." He stood there for a while sulking.

The Professor took the health book he was holding and whacked Jr. over the back of the head with it. "You idiot! That may be the only hope the girlie has of living now! As she is now, she'll be dead within a matter of weeks if we do nothing. She is losing consciousness fast."

"You don't _get_ it, do you?!" Jr. shouted. "I couldn't save Sakura that time! What makes you think that I can save Shion?!"

"_Rubedo, that's so unlike you", _a familiar voice sounded in his head.

_Albedo?!_ Jr.'s eyes widened in surprise at hearing his twin's voice. _It's you! What-?_

"_In fact, the cowardice that you display before me tends to remind me of that lovely day on Miltia where you left me and all of the others to U-DO," _Albedo continued.

_That was… that wasn't what happened! _Jr. protested.

"_Oh? I thought you chickened out during that connection mission. Just as you are doing now, leaving the girl you keep professing your love for to suffer by U-DO as well," Albedo_ countered.

Jr. gritted his teeth. "_Fine."_ He hissed to both Albedo and the Professor. "If it's the only way, I'm gonna try it. But I want Shion's okay, first."

"Of course," the Professor said. They re-entered the room, and he shooed everyone else out of the room to give the two their privacy.

"…Jr…?"

"Shion… I want to protect you. I swear if you let me, I'll do whatever I can to save you. From that bastard U-DO if that's what it takes. Hell, I'm supposedly the anti-existence of U-DO! I guess I need to start acting like it. But, what I'm gonna try, it's the same as I did with Sakura. I want-no-_need_ to know if this is what you want. I'm going to have to dive into your subconscious to fight U-DO back…" Jr. took Shion's hand.

She tried to smile. "…It's…all right…Jr…please. I…trust you…" Her slight grip on his hand loosened and a machine beeped a warning.

The Professor and Scott ran back in. "Hm… She's comatose. It's happening faster than even I predicted. So, what's your decision, boy?"

The U.R.T.V.'s eyes didn't leave Shion's still form. "Hook me up," he commanded. As soon as he was hooked up, Jr. lay back, and turned to face her. The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness himself was Shion's beautiful face. _Hang on just a little bit longer, Shion. I will save you, I swear!_

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Daring to open his eyes, Jr. took in his surroundings. "What the-? Labyrinthos! I'm on Miltia? What the hell am I doing here?"

"Hello!" A happy voice greeted from behind him and he turned around. "Are you here to visit someone, too?"

The red-head turned only to find himself face-to-face with a young girl, wearing a blue dress. She had long brown hair and glasses which seemed too big for her face. She did sort of look like a nerd, but still, the girl was adorable in every way. Jr. knew there was no mistake. This was young Shion. "Um, hey, there. My name's Jr. What's yours?" He asked lamely.

"Shion, silly. But…" She leaned in closer. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

"H-huh? Yeah, I guess so." He scratched the back of his head nervously. _Just what the hell do I do now?_

"Poor, poor, Rubedo, completely lost without me, aren't you?" Albedo appeared beside him. "It looks like you took me along for the ride, eh? Next time, please ask my permission first. I detest having my afternoon naps interrupted."

"What the hell are you doing here?!" The red-head exclaimed. "How is this even possible?"

His brother smirked. "Hmph, I wonder," he said. "Need I remind you that we are no longer in the physical realm anymore? And you so charitably invited me," he added sarcastically.

"It's not like I asked you here on purpose!" Jr. snapped back.

The little girl giggled. "I'm so happy you've come to help me! You see, I want to see my Mommy and Daddy, but…" She looked downcast. "It won't let me in. But with you here I know I can get past it. You will protect me, won't you? Please?"

"Yeah," Jr. said, taking the little girl's hand. "Now let's go see your mom and dad, okay?"

She led them to a familiar corridor. Jr. recoiled a bit when he saw the bodies lying in the hallway with the broken window. _This place…_ He grimaced, glancing down at the girl worriedly. Surprisingly, she still held a pleased smile on her face, skipping along as if she hadn't noticed the terror around her.

"Well now, I assume this is part of the girl's memory," Albedo remarked. "Such a wonderful place. A reminder of the poetic beauty of mortality."

They stopped in front of the door. When Jr. opened it, he stepped back. There was Shion, as he knew her now, being held up in a choke hold by one of the berserker realians. Her green eyes fixed on Jr. in horror. "A…trap…" She whimpered hoarsely. "Don't trust her…!"

Jr. whipped his head to the smiling girl next to him. He tore his hand from her grasp when he saw the waves surrounding her. "You-!"

"I wonder, can you save her?" The girl's eyes began to glow a crimson red. "Well, anti-existence? Can you save her?" She transformed before his eyes, into a form which caused Jr. to tremble. "You will have to kill me to save Shion," the girl said with a dark smile.

"S-Sakura?!"

"Yes, Rubedo. It's me. I want you to choose right now. Are you going to kill me, Rubedo, to save that girl over there? A girl who most likely doesn't return your feelings such as I do? Or stay here with me forever? You will be happy with me here. I have always loved you. I will always love you, Rubedo. Can that girl over there bring you that kind of happiness?" She approached him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Rubedo! Now's your chance! Kill her!" Albedo shouted, making a move to attack Sakura.

He moved in front of Sakura to block Albedo's attack. "Don't you dare lay a finger on her, Albedo…" He growled, his Red Dragon mode beginning to activate. His now red eyes glowed dangerously at his brother.

"J-Jr…" Shion's voice wavered pleadingly.

"Oh, Rubedo, you don't know how much this means to me," Sakura cried happily, hugging him tightly.

"S-Sakura…" Jr.'s arms tightened around her. He relished the feel of his arms around Sakura. He didn't want to let her go again. Not ever. This was almost too good to be true…

"H-help…please…" Shion's voice became weaker. She was obviously losing the struggle.

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"Professor, Shion's vitals are dropping, fast! What should we do?" Scott was panicking.

"That idiot boy," the elder man grumbled. "Can't he do anything right?" He glanced over at Jr.'s body, and gasped. "Assistant Number One! Look at this!"

A red aura was surrounding Jr.'s body, as he started to toss and turn. "I wonder what exactly is going on?" Scott asked.

"It's that anti-U-DO power of his that he's using right now," the Professor said, studying the sight in front of him curiously. "As much as I don't like it, it really is up to that pea-brain. I just hope he gets his priorities straight soon, or the girlie doesn't have a prayer."

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"So this is the extent of your devotion to her, is it, Rubedo? Pitiful!" Albedo was laughing. "Well, I'm sorry, my dear, but it seems my imbecile brother would rather be lost in an illusion with his first love for the rest of his life. Please don't take it personally."

A red aura glowed around Jr. now. "S-Sakura, I-" He was at a loss. What could he do? Shion was there dying right in front of him, but there was his beloved Sakura…

"Rubedo…" She smiled sweetly up at him. "Now let's go together, okay?"

"…Forgive me…" Squeezing his eyes shut painfully for what he knew was going to happen, he unleashed the powerful Red Dragon wave full force at Sakura, flinging the girl away from him into a wall and he sank to his knees, shuddering with suppressed sobs. "Sakura… would never have asked me to allow another to die for her," he rasped. He knew that she wasn't Sakura. He'd known it, but he still hesitated. It tore him apart inside to cause harm to one who held Sakura's appearance. Perhaps that was why U-DO chose that form?

Meanwhile the shockwaves from his powerful attack had blown the wayward Realian backwards into the wall, and Shion was dropped to the floor, coughing and breathing raggedly.

"Shion!" Jr. raced over to her side. "Shion, are you okay?! I'm so damn sorry! Because I lost control, I almost broke my promise to you! Damn it… I'm such an idiot!" In that moment Jr. was sure he had never hated himself more. How could he have any right to claim to love this beautiful woman, when he'd almost killed her himself? He shook his head, violently banishing the thoughts away for now. What mattered was the promise. He was going to protect Shion.

"It's okay, Jr." Shion was trying to reassure him as she reached up and hugged him. "Thank you… I never lost faith in you. You're doing this for me, aren't you? When you didn't have to…"

The red head shook his head. "Of course I would do this for you, Shion. I made a promise to you, right? Nobody's going to get hurt. I can't break my promises to my friends." He helped her to her feet. "I have to use my powers at the source of the problem. We have to find it and fast. Stay close to me, okay, Shion?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Albedo, when we find the source, form the link with me," Jr. ordered.

"Hmph, as you wish, Rubedo. It's at least nice to know that you're not putting that girl's memory over everything else now," Albedo said.

That comment stung and it was meant to. Jr. pressed on, doing his best to ignore what his twin had just said to him. He knew that he almost killed Shion due to his own stupidity. So why did Albedo have to remind him of that? He would deal with that problem later! All that mattered at the moment was getting Shion out of this predicament.

Just then, the world around them shook and Shion doubled over in pain as if in response to it. "No!" She cried out.

Reaching out to steady her, Jr. demanded, "What's wrong?!"

"I-It's near!" She trembled beside him. "No… Not this place…"

They were in a lab, and over on the floor lay the dead body of one Kevin Winnicot. And glowing red behind it, was a crazed KOS-MOS. Jr. growled through clenched teeth. "That's it, all right. Damn you, U-DO! Albedo! Now!" He shouted.

Albedo stood beside him. Together they formed a link and Jr. pushed the U-DO infected KOS-MOS back from them. "It seems this isn't enough. The girl is going to have to finish it off," Albedo observed through gritted teeth.

"Just like last time," Shion murmured. She spied one of the pistols on Jr.'s waist. She raced over and grabbed one, pointing it at KOS-MOS. "I'm so sorry…" She closed her eyes shut and fired the shot. Then everything faded to white.

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The world around her seemed hazy at first. But finally, she managed to open her eyes. "What in the world happened?"

"So you're awake? What is it you always said to KOS-MOS? Oh yeah, that's what it was! Good morning!" Jr. chuckled.

"Good morning," she replied uncertainly. "What happened? I can't seem to remember what happened since I saw Allen and… Oh! Allen! Shelley!" She frantically searched the room for a sign of either of them. She noticed the uncomfortable expressions that Mary, Scott, and the Professor were giving her. "They're on the bridge with the others, right? _Right?"_

"Shion," Jr. had turned serious now, putting both hands on her shoulders, as one would do to calm a child. "What I'm going to tell you, don't panic, okay? They disappeared. We've been searching for them for a few days now. We're sure as hell not gonna stop."

Not needing a cue, the three extra people in the room left. After an awkward silence, Jr. turned to leave. "Uh, get some rest, Shion. 'Night." He left the room, wanting so much to say more, but the feeling that he'd betrayed her to Sakura's memory weighed heavy on his heart. He didn't even deserve to be in her presence right now. Not after what he had almost done.

"Yeah…" She trailed off. Following his advice numbly, she lay down, back to him. She heard the door open and close, finally signaling his exit. That was when she felt safe enough to cry out her tears of guilt. Guilt over what had happened to Allen and Shelley right in front of her, and guilt over not being able to do anything. But no guilt struck her more than the guilt of knowing over the past month Allen had tried to get closer to her. She had his love, and she knew he deserved her love. But for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to love him. Sobs of remorse rang out, pushing back the silence.

Little did she know, Jr. had stopped just outside the door, and was leaning against the doorframe, deep in thought. She also didn't know that he was listening to every single anguished wail that she cried out.

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**Author's note:** Okay this was a really weird chapter if I do say so myself. Sorry if it confused any readers. I hope the angst streak is over for awhile. So now Shion is awake with no memory of the dive to save her life, and is only now dealing with the loss of Allen and Shelley and the guilt that follows. I'm sorry if they all seem OOC. I will attempt to put a cap on that as well in the next chapter. I guess this is what happens when I write at 4 a.m. LOL I gotta put a stop to it. Anywho, review and let me know how it was for you. I really do hope you liked it, because as I sit here writing it at 4 in the morning I feel so giddy and proud of myself. Teeheehee…

Jr: Okay Hallie, right now you are beginning to scare me with that creepy laugh.

Shion: And what are you, homicidal, when you stay up all night or something? Why are you trying to kill me? WHY?!

Hallie :*sweatdrops* UH… right… Well maybe it's 'cuz you kinda ticked me off at the end of Ep. III, Shion… With your stupid little fling with Kevin? Don't worry, you won't die! Jr. won't let you.

Jr: Damn straight I won't! *death glare at Hallie*

Hallie: O.O! Um… I think this is my cue to leave now! *runs away for dear life* Good night, dear readers!!!!!! –Hallie (Atoli)


	4. A Revelation

Hi again! I have a review! *Gives out a cookie!* Thank you so much! I really do appreciate when people review for me. Even if they took the time to tell me they didn't like it. Anyway, seeing that review renewed my passion for this and I'm putting up another chapter. Again, thank you so much! And now... For this chapter, we are turning our attention to MOMO and co. I mean, don't you want to know what they're up to? I do!

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga. But there is a character that I can claim ownership to in this chapter! Cameron is mine! *huggles Cameron in a death grip*

Cameron: Someone… Anyone… Get this crazy woman off me!

Jr: Haha! At least she's leaving me alone this chapter!

**Chapter 4: A Revelation**

"Are you sure that you want to do this, MOMO?" Juli Mizrahi asked her realian daughter for the third time in the hour since they had begun talking.

Turning her melancholy gaze from the stars out through the window, the young girl fixed her expressive amber eyes to her mother. "Mommy, I think it's time. I mean, don't you want a normal daughter? One that will look her age?"

Juli lowered her gaze. "Oh, MOMO, don't worry one bit about me. If anything, I would be happy if you were never to grow. That way you could stay my little girl. But," she said with a smile, "that would be too much to ask of anyone."

"But what changed my mind was the announcement they made about the update procedure. Mommy, instead of just updating me to be an adult automatically, they have come up with a procedure to let me grow, just as a normal human girl! It's something I've only dreamed of happening!" MOMO's eyes shone with excitement. "If there's one thing I've always wanted in the world, it's to be human! Besides, one other prototype was subjected to the experiment stage, and he turned out to be just fine, so there's no need to really worry, all right?" She reached forward to hug her mother. "Please don't worry, Mommy. I want this!"

"Does this decision have anything to do with Rubedo?" Juli asked cautiously.

MOMO stiffened. "Wh-what? What do you mean, Mommy?"

Shaking her head, Juli murmured, "I thought so. MOMO, why are you spending so much of your free time worrying about Rubedo?"

"Because Jr… is special to me," MOMO said softly, parting from Juli. "When we do meet again, I want to be a beautiful, mature adult. I want him to notice that I've changed. I know he will grow. I could already sense it within him. Since he joined with Albedo once again, his cellular growth rate has started to accelerate once again. If I don't grow with him, there will be no hope for me at all," the realian whispered thoughtfully.

"MOMO…" Juli trailed off, touched by MOMO's words. She didn't know how to gently break it to her daughter that the boy most likely didn't share her feelings, but she knew she had to try. Much better that than MOMO getting her heart stomped on by Rubedo the next time they were to meet. "You know, it's really wonderful that you've put that much thought into caring for Rubedo like that. He's a very lucky boy to have a beautiful young girl like you doting over him. But I'm not sure if he realizes his luck. MOMO, what I'm trying to say is…"

"That Jr. doesn't love me the way I love him," MOMO finished. "I know, Mommy. I can't seem to shake that feeling, either. But regardless," she turned to face out the window, staring thoughtfully into the stars. "I love him. That is why I have to keep hoping. It's all I have for now."

"I wonder what you would do if you found out that everything you did was in vain?" Juli couldn't help but ask.

MOMO was silent for awhile. "I guess I would cry. I would cry a lot. But, I'm sure I would be all right in the end." She faced Juli once again. "Mommy, he really loved Sakura, didn't he?"

"H-he did," she answered.

"My elder sister," the realian mused. "I've felt this way for awhile, since back when everyone dove into my subconscious domain. Jr. started treating me more like a sister. At first I thought he had a crush on me, just like I had on him. But I don't think it was that," MOMO sighed sadly.

"Rubedo promised Sakura he would take care of us both," Juli replied.

Smiling sadly, MOMO nodded. "I thought so. But still, if I can grow up into a beautiful individual of my own, maybe I won't look so much like Sakura. Maybe I'll just look like _me,_ and Jr. will come to love me for just myself. That is the hope I hold onto, Mommy. That is my reason for wanting to do this. I want to be my own adult. But I will always be your little girl. That isn't ever going to change."

"I know, MOMO," Juli said. "If that is your reasoning, I suppose that I will just have to accept your decision."

Just then, Miyuki burst into the room. "You guys! Something's happened to the Elsa! The tracker that we installed into it before Shion and the others left, it's stopped transmitting a signal!"

MOMO gasped. "Oh, no! We have to find out what's happening! We were using and relying on that data from the transmissions to help match up coordinates to reconstruct a transportation network! Now if the transmitter is destroyed, that's the furthest we can go unless we think of something else!"

"It gets worse," Miyuki continued. "The way that Doctus had installed the transmitter into the ship. The entire ship would have had to be affected for the transmitter to stop working."

The realian's eyes widened in horror. "So you mean the ship was…?"

"It's a possibility," Miyuki answered.

"N-no… Jr… Shion…" MOMO couldn't stop the tears from coming.

"Hey, we don't know for sure. We also have the exact coordinates of the last transmission point, so we are going to investigate this for sure. Come on, Ziggy and Doctus are waiting upstairs for us," Miyuki said. She led the way up to the room where the Scientia leader waited with the cyborg. "Here they are," she announced on the way in.

The woman in front of them was busy studying data on the screen in front of her. "I assume you've heard, then?" She asked simply. "Good," she said when they nodded. "This saves valuable time. I am going to use the coordinates we have and test the new warp jumps we have built with the information gathered from the Elsa and our other scouts. From there I will send out a search party to look for the missing vessel."

MOMO spoke up. "I'm going, then. They are all very important to me. I have done all that's needed to assist you all here. You don't need me for much else. I want to go where my observational capabilities will be of use."

"We won't be able to dispatch a search party for a few days, so settle down there, little realian," Doctus teased.

"This isn't a laughing matter, nor is it negotiable. I'm going," MOMO demanded, fists clenching at her sides.

"MOMO, you can't!" Juli protested. "If you go, I'm going with you," she said.

"Mommy, you know you can't. You're still leading the people here. I'll be okay. I promise." She put a comforting hand on Juli's shoulder.

Doctus waved a hand. "You needn't worry about her. I've sent for a specialized combat realian to lead the search party. It's rumored that he's the best."

"Really?" MOMO asked. "See, Mommy? It's fine."

"Before you leave, MOMO, we can still arrange for that update you wanted," Miyuki said with a wink.

"Oh, yes!" MOMO exclaimed, clasping her hands together excitedly.

"Well, I will be getting back to my work," Doctus said. "That realian should be here by sometime tomorrow. Apparently he is going through some routine checkups at Second Division as of now. You are going to be working together so I suggest you get acquainted."

The peach-haired realian nodded. "Of course."

"Hey, MOMO, I just got off the phone with Second Division. They can fit you in for the update in a couple hours," Miyuki informed her. "Let's head over there now!"

"Mommy?" MOMO's amber eyes were fixed on Juli.

She smiled warmly. "Of course, MOMO. We are all going together."

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It was almost like regular maintenance. But, the only difference was that MOMO now ached in places. Her legs ached, her chest ached. The staff in the lab just told her that it was normal. Her body wasn't used to growing pains, and they would come and go every now and then. She walked out of the lab, searching for either Juli or Miyuki, and bumped into someone. She would have fallen to the floor, but a strong pair of arms caught her and steadied her. She looked up with a smile. "Thank you." She took in the features of her helper. He had slightly longer blue hair, with bangs that framed the side of his face. The rest of his hair was tied into a tiny tail that didn't quite reach his shoulders. She took note of this boy's eyes; he was a realian.

He nodded curtly. "I am glad to be of service. Please excuse me; I have somewhere I need to be soon." He pushed past her.

MOMO stared after that boy. She had to admit, he was rather handsome. She was startled by a whistle.

"Wow, MOMO! He really was cute! You sure know how to pick 'em," Miyuki teased with a smile.

"W-what do you mean by that?" MOMO shrieked, embarrassed.

The brunette laughed. "You _know_ what I mean! I saw how you were looking at him. It's a shame for Jr, though. A guy doesn't find a cute girl like you just anywhere!"

The color in MOMO's cheeks deepened to a cherry red. "Th-that's not it, Miyuki! Stop it! Besides, I've been waiting for Jr. And I'll continue to wait."

Miyuki pouted. "Aw, you're no fun! He's so cute! How can you just let him walk away like that?"

"We probably won't be seeing him again anyway," MOMO said, glancing back at the door the realian had exited through. "He's left for business, and we have our own to attend to, Miyuki. Now let's be serious. We need to find Mommy and Ziggy." She scanned through the horde of people and her face brightened when she spotted the cyborg escorting the woman down the crowded hallway. "You guys!" She called and waved, getting their attention.

"Oh, MOMO!" Juli made her way past all the people and gave her daughter a hug. "How are you feeling? I just finished speaking with the lab technicians. They said that your update procedure went smoothly…" She looked MOMO over. "Hm… you seem to have grown a bit," she noted.

She nodded enthusiastically. "It was wonderful!" She winced and crossed her arms around her chest. "Even though this feeling is sort of unpleasant. But even this makes me happy in a way. It makes me feel more like a normal girl!"

"I'm glad to see you are happy, my dear." Tears filled her mother's eyes as she reached out to hold her.

Ziggy cleared his throat. "I don't mean to intrude, but don't we need to meet back with Doctus, Dr. Mizrahi? I thought she had just summoned us."

"Why? What did she want?" Miyuki asked. "I thought she needed more time to organize an investigation."

"Yes, but she apparently has someone for us to meet," Ziggy answered. "That realian arrived earlier than planned."

Juli nodded in agreement. "Ziggy is right. That's why we should go now."

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Doctus smirked as she studied the realian in front of her. He definitely didn't look like he was fit for combat. He looked to be around fifteen years old. He was smaller than most models of realians. For him to be potentially the most lethal of them all was just… She stopped that train of thought when she stared into his cold amber eyes. "Hm…" She frowned a bit.

His eyes were devoid of all emotion. Calculating, piercing. He studied her. "So do I pass the inspection? When does my mission start, and what are the objectives?"

"MOMO Mizrahi is leading an investigation of an area with abnormal space distortion readings. It is imperative that no harm comes to her. _Your_primary objective is to protect that realian above all else, even your own life and everyone_'s_around her. Her life comes before all else. Understand?" She idly thought that staring into his eyes reminded her of KOS-MOS before her awakening. She hadn't had much experience with the android, but she constantly reviewed records of battles that KOS-MOS had participated in and just the emotionless look in her eyes unnerved Doctus. This realian was exactly the same. "Also," she continued, "don't let MOMO know that this is your primary objective. Do you understand me?"

"Yes. Understood. Please continue," the boy responded matter-of-factly.

"Your second objective is to assist with the investigation. Bring back as much information as possible and search for the Elsa or any survivors." Doctus stopped when the door slid open. "Well, here they are."

The Realian faced the group. "Greetings. I am a Combat Active Model version one prototype. The only one ever manufactured. I assume you are the 100-Series Observational Prototype, correct?" He approached the pink-haired Realian, and nodded to her, some loose strands of his blue hair falling into his face.

"You're…" MOMO started but was interrupted.

"See? MOMO, you're tied by the red thread of fate!" Miyuki teased.

"_Miyuki!_" MOMO huffed. She shook her head and turned her attention to the realian in front of her. "Please, call me MOMO. So… what do I call you?"

"I am called the C.A.M. Prototype, normally. I never acquired a name," he explained. "I am not completed as you can see. My creators saw no reason to name me, as my emotional programming suffered extreme damage during the experimental stages on Miltia. You may address me as that if you feel the need to give a name to every specimen you encounter."

"C.A.M. Prototype…?" MOMO wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That sounds so artificial and cold! I'm sorry, but I just can't stand having to call you by a model name or number. That's too cruel. It's like treating you as if you're some merchandise or something."

"If it makes you feel uncomfortable to address me as such, I must apologize," the prototype replied with a rigid bow. "It goes against my programming to make my assigned target feel uncomfortable in any way."

"I-it's not like that… um… Prototype C.A.M..." MOMO bit her lip at having nothing better to call him as. "But I would like it very much if I could call you something… or, rather, if I had permission to call you something a little warmer and more humane, you know?"

An almost amused expression flickered across the realian's face for an instant. "What would _you_ name me if given the chance… _MOMO_?"

"Hm…" MOMO looked him up and down thoughtfully. "You're the C.A.M. Prototype… C.A.M… Like the name Cam, the shortened form of Cameron… That's it! I'd call you Cameron!"

"Cameron does seem to have a nice right to it," Miyuki agreed. "I kinda like it myself. It looks like it'd fit you pretty well."

"There she goes again," Juli chuckled softly. "Giving everyone around her a name. Isn't that right… _Ziggy_?" She smiled teasingly.

The cyborg wore a smirk of his own, but said nothing and continued to watch the exchange between MOMO and the newly christened Cameron.

"So, what do you think… Cameron?" MOMO asked him shyly, twisting both hands behind her back in a cute girlish manner.

Crossing his arms, he turned away. "…Do as you like."

"Okay, then it's settled! Welcome aboard, Cameron!" Miyuki cheered.

MOMO herself was smiling, feeling a little bit brighter than before, having made a friend. She knew there was a lot to be done to save the Elsa, but somehow, knowing that she wasn't the only one trying to save everyone, made her feel a bit more at hopeful for the Elsa crew. And as everyone left the room, she stopped and turned to the realian still standing in there. "Um… Cameron?"

"Do you need assistance, MOMO?" He turned around, amber eyes peering through the partings of his cerulean bangs.

She shook her head vigorously. "Oh, n-no! I mean, well, just… Thank you."

"Since it is my assigned mission as of now to keep you safe, as well as help you with whatever I can, you need not waste your words of gratitude on me." Cameron averted his eyes.

"But I want to thank you for accepting your mission," MOMO countered, "and for understanding and considering my feelings."

He nodded. "If you wish for it, then I will say it. It is not a problem." He then exited the room, leaving the perplexed realian to stare after him.

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Doctus studied the small shuttle that the group would be attempting to make their first long gate jump in. They had made gate jumps before, using the system of tracking other ships. But none had gone as far as the Elsa.

They had been working day and night, taking in the data from the tracking devices on the ships. Then by setting up coordinates in the database of the new shuttles constructed by Miyuki, MOMO and herself, they could jump to those exact coordinates normally without fail. As long as there was data in the computers about _where_they were, it was fine. Usually that was the case. But sometimes, like one of the last launchings, things didn't turn out that way. She remembered all too well what happened. The Dammerϋng had sent out a smaller ship, much like the Elsa, just after the Elsa had taken off. A few weeks later, they had attempted to have a shuttle jump to where that ship was and take all of the passengers back. The shuttle must have failed in mid-jump, because they had never heard from them again, and the crew from the smaller ship never found them. Now, the crew was on their way back, and would hopefully rendezvous with the Dammerϋng again soon provided that no other setbacks occurred.

"Just a couple more hours and this shuttle will be prepared for take-off," a mechanic was saying to her.

She nodded her approval. "That's very good news. I suppose it's time to alert the crew." She headed to the main office and pressed a button on the intercom. "Attention, crew of the shuttle Savior. It will be ready for departure at approximately 1300 hours. Please make all the necessary preparations beforehand, and report to the shuttle dock at the departure time." She cut the connection on the loudspeaker and sat down in the chair. "Now I suppose all we can do is wait."

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MOMO stood in front of the shuttle with her mother. "Well, this is it," she said softly.

"Yes," Juli murmured. She hugged MOMO. "Please come back safe and sound."

"Of course, Mommy!" Her daughter beamed at her. "We'll bring them back, too!"

Juli turned to Ziggy. "I want you to be careful as well."

The cyborg softened his gaze at her. "I will return. I know that I will have things to discuss when we come back."

Miyuki waved. "Hey guys, let's get a move on! If they're really in trouble, we don't have much time, okay?"

"I concur," Cameron agreed. "Time is not on our side."

"Hey Miyuki," Togashi was saying. "You better not get into any trouble out there. Come back soon. We're going to be starting up some new projects soon so we better not have you off somewhere slacking!"

"All right already!" Miyuki stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation. "I will. But let's get going already!"

Doctus nodded to the group. "Take care." She honed her gaze in on Cameron. "Remember your mission."

"Let us move out," Cameron announced indifferently. He said nothing else and entered the shuttle.

"Man, he needs to work on his people skills," Miyuki huffed. "Well, MOMO, let's go." She entered the shuttle as well, followed by Ziggy.

"Good-bye, everyone," MOMO bid with a bow. "I will see you all soon! Take care."

After MOMO was seated, Cameron glanced back at everyone. "Now fasten your safety belts. Just so everyone is aware, I researched the statistics and according to the results, if my instructions are followed properly, there is an 84.1% chance that we will survive the jump to the Elsa's previous known location. However, if they are not heeded, the chance of our survival will decrease to approximately 44%. Therefore, your cooperation is vital."

"Oh, boy, would you listen to Mr. Gloom-and-Doom up there," Miyuki whispered to MOMO, wrinkling her nose.

"I am only relaying the best options for our survival. One of my programmed skills is that of piloting shuttles and other spacecraft. If this means that you will not cooperate I have the option to jettison you into space. That would only result in a 2% decrease in efficiency," the realian stated.

"No, no, that's not what I meant at all," Miyuki chuckled nervously. "Obviously, you're in charge, okay? Man, this guy is like a male version of KOS-MOS… only worse!"

The realian next to her giggled. "Yeah, you're right, Miyuki!"

"If we have reached an agreement, then let us proceed. MOMO, you should take a seat beside me, since you would most likely be more acquainted with piloting shuttles. Is that correct?" Cameron asked.

"Yes, I would, most likely," MOMO answered. She stood and took the co-pilot's seat. Once she fastened her seat belt, she looked back at the others. "Everyone ready? Let's go."

Cameron activated the craft on MOMO's word. "I will now initiate the jump to point χ221.47. Initiating…"

"Everyone, hold on," MOMO called back to the others. She gasped as they entered hyperspace.

The small craft shook, and Miyuki held her armrests in a death grip, squeezing her eyes shut. "Please, please, let me live. Don't let this shuttle break. Please," she begged any unseen power that would listen.

Ziggy reached over and put a calming hand over Miyuki's. "Settle down," he quieted her. "Don't panic."

The shaking stopped, and Cameron announced, "Destination successfully reached. Point χ221.47, the last known transmission site of the Elsa was recorded in this area."

"Minimal damage reported. Other than some scrapes along the side of the shuttle, our vessel appears to be doing fine," MOMO stated, searching the data through the shuttle's diagnostics.

Miyuki peered out the window. "What's out there? See any sign of the Elsa?" She searched the empty space outside. "Hey!" She shouted suddenly. "There's an asteroid! Watch out! It's gonna hit us!"

"I am aware of that. Please remain calm," the pilot responded. "I am attempting maneuvers to soften the impact. Please stand by." Minutes passed by so slowly in that time that one could have thought it to be hours when Cameron spoke again. "We are in for a collision. Hold on to something!" Moments later, the shuttle slammed into the side of the asteroid. After the shaking stopped, Cameron loosened the restraints on his seat. He was injured, but still conscious at least. However, he saw that MOMO was not conscious. Moving to her side, he noticed the wound on the side of her temple. Seeing how the blood mixed with her peach-colored hair, he jumped back at a sudden vision he had.

_Her long peach-colored hair lay in a pool of blood. Some of it was hers, but most of it belonged to the many that lay dead beside her. "Cam? Please… no more killing…"She begged with her last breaths as lightning illuminated the death around her inside the laboratory. Outside, an eerie song echoed throughout the chaos of the dying land, mourning its demise._

Cameron shook his head. These visions came only briefly every now and then, but they always seemed to come at the most inopportune times. As it was, he couldn't afford to ponder on this vision at the moment. The life of his mission's target was at stake. He scanned her for vitals, confirming them. "Activating ether mode," he announced, administering first aid via the nanomachines. Once again checking her vitals and making sure that she was stable, he moved onto the other passengers.

Ziggy was awake just as he was, and was checking on Miyuki. "I think she is in serious need of medical attention," he informed Cameron.

"Indeed." The realian checked her vitals. She was definitely worse off than MOMO had been. A large gash cut across her forehead and by scanning her he could tell she had broken a few ribs. He began first aid treatment on her with the nanomachines as he had on MOMO before.

"You should have stabilized Miyuki first before MOMO," Ziggy said to the realian, once he had checked on MOMO. "She was hardly injured."

Cameron said nothing for a moment as he tended to Miyuki's wounds. Finally, after finishing up on her, he stood. "She is not my priority. I am to tend to MOMO's needs first and foremost. I only tend to her if MOMO is out of danger. That is my assigned duty."

"MOMO wouldn't like to hear you say that," Ziggy replied. "If she was awake right now, she would be really upset with you."

"Upset or not, she would be alive, and that is the main objective." Cameron spoke coolly. "I must now inspect the damage to the ship. I have done all I can for the moment, however, it would be best if you kept an eye on the woman. She is still not out of danger yet."

"A word of advice." At Ziggy's voice, the realian stopped to listen. "If you want to form a stronger bond of trust with your assigned target, you are going to have to start empathizing with others more readily. Otherwise, MOMO will pull away from you."

"I understand," Cameron said. "However, I am unable to do that as of now. The program that governs my emotional functions is fragmented and incomplete." The door to the small airtight room opened and he stepped inside, preparing to leave the safety of the shuttle. He braced himself for the pressure loss inside the shuttle and climbed out. He inspected the tiny ship, and pulled out some tools from the tiny storage compartment located on the outside of the shuttle. The front was dented pretty badly, and further study revealed that the warp drive propeller had been damaged. So he went to work, and within an hour's time, had the warp engine fixed. He was only working out the dents when his attention became focused on the subject coming out to join him outside the shuttle.

"You healed me? Thank you!" It was MOMO.

"No thanks necessary. It was my job," the realian said, returning to his work.

"Oh, I-I see." She seemed a little hurt by that, but soon got over it and climbed over to where Cameron was. "Would you like some help?"

"If you are feeling up to the task, it is very much appreciated," Cameron responded. "Please take that welder an hold it over the metal to soften it. I am attempting to work out the dents."

"Oh, okay!" MOMO held the welder over the area instructed and watched as the flames met the metal. "I think it's softening," she observed.

"Please move away," Cameron said. He moved forward and struck down with a hammer. After a few minutes of striking the front of it, almost all of the dents had disappeared. "It appears satisfactory. It is the best we can do with such minimal equipment." He nodded to MOMO. "Now that we are out of danger, what is the condition of the girl?"

"Miyuki? She's still asleep. She was hurt pretty badly, and being a human, she is more fragile," MOMO answered.

"I see." Cameron scanned the horizon and took in their surroundings. "Return to the shuttle. I am going to scout around and look for clues as to where the Elsa could be."

"Please let me come with. I'm an Observational Realian! I should be able to help you track, Cameron! We'd be quite a team! An Observational Class and Combat Class. Please?" MOMO put a hand on his arm to stop him.

At the contact, he froze for a moment. Finally facing her, he nodded. "You have a point. Let us move out."

"Cameron? Are you all right? Your face looks a little flushed," MOMO asked worriedly.

"Yes, I am all right. I am able to function," he returned. "Let us be off." They walked along the asteroid in silence for awhile.

MOMO couldn't help but notice that the air was breathable, even to humans. If it hadn't been, she would have had to wear more protective gear. "The atmosphere is stable out here. I wonder why that is?" She wondered out loud.

"It isn't out of the question," Cameron spoke up. "There are many land masses on record that are able to sustain life." He pressed on.

"Wait!" MOMO cried suddenly. "Life signs!"

Cameron stopped at her order. "I detect nothing."

"It's far away yet. They're also faint. But, I detect them. Their pattern…" She trailed off in concentration. "The waves they are giving off… I believe I detect the life wave patterns of Allen Ridgeley and Shelley Godwin! Allen's appears to be fading fast! Please, Cameron! Follow me this way please!" She took off in a run, Cameron following at her heels. She led him to a dark area, where the land appeared to have just been severed, as if someone had taken a giant sword and hacked away. She spied the two settled underneath a crevice in the rocks near the edge. "Allen! Shelley! Can either of you hear me?!"

Shelley stood shakily, hearing MOMO's voice. "Someone has come? How is that possible?"

Tears filled MOMO's eyes and she raced toward Shelley, embracing her. "Are you all right, Shelley? We came as soon as we could after the tracker placed on the Elsa stopped transmitting."

"I believe I am not in the need of immediate medical attention. However, Allen is another story. He has come down with a fever and is in a delirious state right now." Shelley gestured toward her companion.

"What's that you're wearing?" MOMO asked, noticing the armor both adorned.

"It was a prototype armor," Shelley explained, watching as Cameron hoisted Allen over his shoulder. "It malfunctioned and wouldn't respond for awhile while we were out scouting outside of the Elsa. After our encounter with this strange light, it stopped working. But after the light faded, Allen and I were able to move again."

"This man appears to be gravely ill. It would be wise to get him to someplace where we can treat him," Cameron interrupted the two.

"Oh, no!" MOMO said. "You're right. We'll talk later. Let's hurry!"

Leading the way back with the sickly man on his shoulders, Cameron urged the others to follow quickly. He pushed forward until they found the shuttle. "It would have been better to continue the search but this man's life is in danger at the moment. Even nanotreatment would not be as effective. It is best we get him to a doctor. I leave the decision to you, MOMO."

"Of course were going back! There isn't any trace of the Elsa here, and Allen's really sick," MOMO cried.

"Everyone be seated," Cameron ordered. "Initiating jump to point χ3.66, the location of the Dammerϋng."

The tiny shuttle pulled away from the asteroid and disappeared in a burst of light.

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**Author's note: **I thought I'd end the chapter right here. It was getting to be a little bit on the long side. I like to normally keep my chapters somewhat the same in length. However sometimes it'll get away from me and I keep writing. Anyway, please review if you liked it, or even if you thought it could use a little work. This holds true of any story written by any author. Every author likes to know what they can do to make their story better or more interesting. Oh, and let me know what you thought of Cameron! There will definitely be more later on Cameron and his past, and why he is the way he is. Well on that note, I'll be signing off for today. Thanks a bunch!

--Hallie (Atoli)


	5. Battling Wills

Hi all! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed so far. It really means a lot. So SiberiaWinx, AzureKate, Lucrecia Levrai, and of course chibisama, thank you so much. I hope I left no one out. If I did I'll sure remedy that. Anyway on to the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga. *crawls and hides under a rock* But I do own this rock! And if you take this from me…

**Chapter 5: Battling Wills**

_Jr. looked up cautiously, hearing the sound of metal clashing with something. "Who's there?!" He shouted, drawing his guns. He surveyed the area, shocked to find everything blank, except for a bench underneath a willow._

"_Settle down, it's only me." Taking Jr. by surprise, Jin Uzuki stepped out into view. "If you have a few minutes, Jr, I would like to have a few words with you."He sat down on the bench, and patted the spot next to him._

"_J-Jin? Hey, shouldn't you be trying to talk to Shion or something? H-hey, where am I anyway?" Jr. glanced around anxiously, and then sighed and sat as the older man bade him._

_The elder man chuckled. "No need to be so uptight. I wanted to talk to you about the dive. I now know some things. I have visited Shion in her dreams. I have also been watching over you all, and I know that you harbor feelings for my sister. With the influence of U-DO, I was able to test your devotion to her as well."_

"_Damn you… You mean that whole bit with Sakura was…?" Jr. clenched his fists angrily at his sides and glared at Jin. "Where the hell do you get off?!"_

_Jin held up a hand to silence Jr. "It wasn't all me. Some of it was Shion. Another part was U-DO. What I am trying to say is we all had a role to play in it. Yes, I do admit that I wanted to test the depths of your devotion to my sister, especially after what she's been through. As her brother, I don't want to see her hurt once again."_

"_But she's not hurting at all! She has Allen, who gives her unconditional love," Jr. spat bitterly. "What else could a girl possibly want?"_

"_That is where you are wrong, Jr," Jin spoke quietly. "Allen is no longer with all of you. You didn't hear her crying alone earlier?"_

"_Yeah, but as soon as we find him they'll be just fine again." Jr. looked away from Jin._

"_That wasn't the reason she was crying, Jr," Jin warned. "Shion is conflicted. She feels that she is being forced into loving Allen; maybe perhaps by what I said as we parted, or because of her own guilt after everything she's put him through. But, regardless, this isn't what I wanted for my sister, Jr. I wanted her to find love and be happy, not to feel confined and trapped. I told Allen to take care of her before, because I thought that he could offer her the love she needed. Perhaps I was wrong."_

_The U.R.T.V. turned his gaze back to Shion's brother. "What exactly are you saying? And what the hell does it have to do with me?"_

"_She needs a friend right now. More than love, I think she has needed a friend all along. Someone who knows her pain, who understands what it must be like to lose family, and loved ones. She is much the same as you, don't you see?" Jin smiled and stood to leave._

"_Wait!" Jr. was on his feet as well. "What can I do for her that Allen couldn't?"_

"_That, my young friend, you will have to find out for yourself," Jin chuckled._

"_Hey, Jin," Jr. started, remembering Shion's words. "Shion said that you were dead. Come on, tell me that's not true. Tell me so I can reassure her-"_

_The sadness in the swordsman's eyes were enough to silence Jr. "Jr, she is a troublesome girl. But please… take care of her."_

_Jr. gasped when he noticed that Jin was fading. "Hey, wait! Jin!"_

He bolted upright, breathing heavily. Once he managed to calm down his heart, he glanced around and realized that he was in bed. "A dream?" Jr. put a hand to his forehead, wiping off the sweat. "The hell…?" He stood and dressed. He noted the time; it was either really early or really late. Either way, no one would be awake yet, anyway. Jr. made his way down to the lounge to think about his dream. Why was Jin coming to him of all people? Especially after the way he had almost allowed Shion to die? And why was he saying that Shion felt trapped by her own guilt? Did that mean that she didn't really love Allen? "Hey," Jr. called to one of the robots in the lounge bartending at the moment. "Get me some of your strongest stuff."

"CERTAINLY. WAIT JUST A MOMENT." The robot turned and mixed up a drink, then brought it over to the redhead. "HERE YOU ARE."

"Please, I'll have the same as he is." Shion's voice startled Jr, and he nearly spilled his vodka mixed drink.

He gaped at her stupidly for a moment, and then downed half of his drink in one gulp. "What the hell are you doing up right now?"

"I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe if I came down here and had a few drinks they would help me sleep," Shion answered softly.

"Aw, come on. You don't want to turn to drinking for that," Jr. chided.

She crossed her arms and nodded at the drink he now held in his hand. "Then may I ask what _that_ is?"

The U.R.T.V. grinned. "Sure, you can ask. I woke up and decided to do a bit of free thinking on my own down here. But _I_ have already been to bed." He took another swig of the foul tasting liquid, finding it surprisingly easy to drink despite its taste.

"HERE IS YOUR DRINK, MISS SHION," the droid said, setting her drink down in front of her.

"Hey, another one for me," Jr. called, waving his empty cup.

Shion scowled at Jr. and lifted her glass to her lips, trying some of the mixture. A second later, she coughed and set the glass down. "Ugh! What is this stuff, Jr? It's disgusting!"

"Dunno," he answered flippantly, accepting another glass and taking a swig from it. "But it's some of the strongest stuff they have on this ship."

Not wanting to be shown up by Jr, Shion stubbornly raised her glass to her mouth, plugged her nose, and downed her entire glass in one sitting. "Another for _me_, too!"

"H-hey, Shion, maybe you should take it easy, huh? You're kind of a light weight, right?" Jr. put a hand on her arm in an attempt to stop her, but sighed and gave up as the droid brought her another drink. "Just be careful."

"I'll b'fine," Shion replied, starting to slur her words. She took a long sip from the next glass. "Anyway, if I can finally get t'sleep after this, I'll be happy." She smiled lazily, leaning over the bar stand, and giving Jr. a good view down her shirt.

He struggled to look away. Finally, he managed to divert his attention by picking up his glass and finishing it off. "One more over here!" Turning his attention back to Shion, but keeping his gaze above her neck, he asked her, "Are you okay? Normally, you wouldn't be down here. I've never seen you here trying to get lit up before. That's not like you, Shion."

She rested her head on top of her arms and gazed at Jr. "I know it's not. I'll prob'ly regret this in the morning. But for now I just wanna forget awhile."

"Forget… what?" Jr. was feeling the effects of the alcohol now, and he knew for certain Shion was way past feeling the effects stage. So when she made a motion for the droid to bring her a fourth glass, he waved the droid away. "I think she's had enough," he whispered to the robotic bartender.

Shion still held her gaze on Jr. She hadn't even noticed that he'd stopped her from getting another drink. Her emerald eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I'd like to forget everything! I want to forget that Allen is gone and that I couldn't love him no matter how hard I tried. I don't know how to love!" She lifted her head and leaned in so her lips were inches from his. "I wish I knew how to love someone..."

An alarm rang inside Jr.'s head. He knew his self-control was slipping, and Shion's was completely gone. It took every ounce of his willpower to pull away from her. "Shion, it's the alcohol talking. We've had too much tonight. Come on, I'll take you back upstairs. I don't think you're gonna need to worry about sleeping now." He stood and swayed for a moment under the effects from the alcohol. Then he reached out and pulled Shion to her feet as well. She stood a good few inches over him, and he nearly lost his own footing trying to steady her. When he was sure she was safely leaning on his shoulder, he led her from the bar to the women's cabin.

She stopped and hesitated before turning to him. "Sorry," she slurred. "I didn't mean…"

"No, it's okay," Jr. assured her. He wanted nothing more than to get as far away from her as possible for the moment, to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid in his half-inebriated state. "Get some rest."

"Thanks, Jr. I will," Shion promised. She stumbled into the bedroom over to her bed and lay down, succumbing to sleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

After walking Shion to her own bed, Jr. decided to head back to bed, too. As he lay there staring at the ceiling, he thought for awhile about the conversation he and Shion had. Had she been telling the truth? If so, then maybe what Jin had told him in his dream had some truth to it as well. _But if they were both telling the truth, then what the hell do they expect _me _to do? _Jr. wondered. What was so special about him? They could have asked this of anyone else on board the Elsa, then. Jr. thought back to how Shion had been acting as of late. He had to admit, she'd been acting a little strangely lately. _Or, wait, could it be U-DO? Who knows? I give up thinking for now._ He sighed, finally allowing sleep to claim him as well.

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Wide awake and finally free of her nasty hangover the day before, Shion woke up feeling energized. She could hardly recall the events from what happened the day before. She could remember, for some reason, that Jr. walked her back to her room. As misfortune would have it, she also was witness to another vision in her mind. A hazy image of her leaning close to Jr, in a clumsy attempt to kiss him. Shion never felt as embarrassed as she did at that moment. _I can't believe myself, _she kept thinking. _What is wrong with me?!_

To make matters worse, just as she was working through her horrified thoughts, who should she bump into as she turned a corner but Jr. himself. "Uh, hey, Shion…"

"Ahh! H-hello, Jr…" Shion felt her face burn a deep cherry red. "Please excuse me!" She pushed him aside and ran to the nearest door, which happened to be the elevator.

"Hey, Shion, wait a minute," Jr. called after her. He had been meaning to talk to her, but every time he tried, she seemed to avoid him. He was feeling confused himself with all of the events going on. They were searching the area around for any sign of Allen or Shelley, but to no avail, and now Shion was avoiding Jr. like the plague. He also had one heavy question weighing on his mind. He wanted to know what Jin had meant in his dream, and maybe Shion could shed some light on it. If he could catch up to her, that was. He took off toward the elevator and rode it to the lower floor on the Elsa. He checked the hangar, and then the maintenance room. _Bingo,_ he thought triumphantly, spotting her.

She turned and gasped when she saw him. "O-oh, Jr. You were here? Excuse me, I should really be going!" She started toward the door, only to have him catch her by the arm.

"You're not going anywhere, Shion," he said, placing himself between her and the door. "What the hell is going on with you? You've been acting weird since… Since that dream you told me about!" He realized it himself as he said it. "What exactly happened? You never really said much of anything."

She sat down on the bench in the lab and sighed. "He kept warning me that something would happen. He said that he was tired of seeing me so unhappy with myself. And that he didn't want me to feel trapped anymore. He kept telling me to be true to myself."

"He's right, you know," Jr. said softly, taking her hand. "Shion, he visited me in a dream, too. All Jin wants is for you to be happy. He can't… pass on… until he knows that you're going to be okay." He hated the despair in her eyes as he said that.

"So, he really is…" Shion smiled sadly. "Of course. Why was I thinking otherwise? I'm such an idiot."

He shook his head. "No, you're not. Anyone would want to hope for the best when it comes to someone in their family. But enough about that for now. He came to me because he believes that you need help. So, Shion, I need to ask you this. Are you in love with Allen?"

"O-of course! I care very deeply about Allen. He's done so much for me and I don't know what I would have done without him," she said in a rush.

"That's not the same," Jr. replied with a frown. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?" When Shion was silent, he continued. "I understand, Shion. You feel that after all Allen has done for you, and his feelings for you that you need to devote yourself to him just because you feel that you owe him. Shion, how do you _really_ feel about this? If you truly are in love with him, then there's no problem."

Shion couldn't meet Jr.'s eyes. "I-I feel horrible… I don't… After trying so hard I-"

"If that's the case, then is that really fair to either you or Allen?" Jr. asked calmly.

"You say that like you've lived through it," Shion countered.

"MOMO. I know that she loves me." Jr.'s blue eyes softened at the thought of the realian. "But I can't love her back. For awhile I tried, because I thought that's what Sakura wanted me to do. But in the end I just couldn't. Being in love with Sakura was hard enough. MOMO may look like Sakura, but they're nothing alike. Sakura was Sakura. MOMO is MOMO. She's a great person, but just not someone I love." Jr. chuckled. "Life would be so much easier if we could choose who we love, wouldn't it?"

"I guess," Shion murmured. "Just like Kevin, I suppose. If I had never known him, perhaps I wouldn't have been hurt so badly. But just the same, I was in love with him." She looked down at her hand, which was still clasped within Jr.'s, and blushed. "Jr…"

He pulled his hand away and laughed nervously. "Heh, sorry!"

"No, it's all right," Shion said. "I also really wanted to apologize for my behavior the other night."

"Oh? You actually remembered that?" Jr. asked with a grin.

"Yes, unfortunately," Shion informed him. "How can I ever apologize enough?"

"Don't worry about it." Jr. shrugged. "It's not a big deal. Hell, I've seen worse when other people get drunk. I do have to say, though, you are a real light weight!"

"You aren't going to have to worry about that anymore. I am going to find Allen. And then, who knows? I may learn in time to love him," Shion said softly. "I still have time to decide though, so it's okay for now. That's what I've decided."

"If that's what you want," Jr. spoke reluctantly. He had plenty he wanted to say about that but kept his silence. Time would tell. _What will be, will be_, he thought.

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It seemed that it had become awkward for Jr. to speak to Shion afterwards. She seemed to be avoiding him, and he found that he was beginning to avoid her as well. Jr. knew the reason, though. Hearing Shion say that she would devote herself to finding Allen and try to start over with him really stung. After everything that he had just gone through with the dive and his feelings for Sakura, and after Jin giving him false hopes in his dream (he _really_ wanted to give Jin a piece of his mind for that one), he just felt cheated in a way. Obviously, Shion had no idea of Jr.'s feelings for her, so it wasn't as if she was trying to hurt him. Still, that thought did little to comfort Jr. He felt a new empathy for MOMO, if that was what unrequited love was.

He wondered what Shion's reasoning was for avoiding him. Was it really that embarrassing to her what had happened the other night? It certainly didn't make him think any less of her in any way. She had been drunk. Jr. knew that he'd done plenty of things far more embarrassing when he'd been drunk previous times. _Who knows,_ he glumly thought. Before long, he realized he'd been sulking for quite awhile, and that it was near midnight. Most of the Elsa male crew save Tony had turned in for the night. Jr. shook his head and made to leave, not wanting to hang around sulking. It was hard to think with a bunch of obnoxious snoring going on around him anyway. He figured the lounge was most likely empty, so he headed over there.

Unfortunately fate wasn't on his side. The one person he desperately wanted to avoid was seated by the window of the lobby gazing out at the stars. Quickly, Jr. spun on his heel, ready to bolt for the door, when one tiny word stopped him: "Wait."

He stopped, seemingly frozen in time. "Wait for what?" He finally asked after what seemed an eternity.

Shion approached him and took him by the hand. "You couldn't sleep either?" She asked with a small smile, leading him over to the window.

"Look, Shion, this is really awkward, okay. I should really get going-"

"You don't think I know that, Jr?" She snapped, and then softened her tone. "I'm really sorry, Jr. This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot."

"What the-? What're you saying, Shion?" Jr asked, pulling his hand from her grasp. "It's not you. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"You're one of the most important people to me, Jr," Shion continued, barely audible. "The last thing I want to do is push you away, but that's all I seem to be good at doing. That was why I felt that I should apologize. It is my fault. It's just so hard to…"

Jr. turned his gaze up to Shion's face. He swore he could see tears before she averted her own gaze away. "What's hard, Shion?"

"It- it's nothing," she lied. "Just another dream, I suppose." Silence followed as she stared out into the depths of space. "You know, it's really… pretty."

The redhead scratched the back of his head nervously. "Y-yeah, I guess so. Hard to believe that something like that can be so big. The darkness can go on forever." He found it hard to say or do anything more. All he wanted to do was run. As much as he felt for her, he didn't want to be around Shion. It was just too painful. Yet she seemed to like tormenting him.

Shion took a seat in front of the window and smiled up at Jr, patting the spot next to her. "Let's just stay like this awhile."

"Actually, I was just going to go back to bed," Jr. lied, backing away.

She looked hurt. "I need to talk to you about something, but it's really… hard to talk about. That's why I wanted you here with me." Looking away, she sighed. "After I say it, you can do what you want. I won't bother you again. I promise. It's just something I need to get off my chest. I want to tell you why I've been so cold to you. That way, hopefully you won't be so angry with me."

He wordlessly took a seat next to her on the bench, consciously making an effort to keep his distance and not touch her. After a few more minutes of silence, he glanced over at her, noticing the red tint of her cheeks. "So what?"

"It's not your fault," she said softly. "It's mine. I'm really sorry, Jr. It's just that, I feel like I owe Allen for what I put him through. He's tried so hard, and all he's ever wanted was for me to love him. I've tried. Really tried. I honestly didn't think I really knew how to love someone after Kevin. I didn't know what love was or how it works. I still don't think I do…"

"You're not supposed to know, Shion," Jr. interrupted. "You can't just turn it on and off or activate it like a switch. That's just stupid to think that way."

That was when he knew that he'd said the wrong thing. The slap was instantaneous, but still left a stinging mark. "So you're saying it's stupid to try and make sense of it? Why do I even bother talking to you?! You wouldn't be able to understand even if I was able to tell you! This was a complete waste of time! Go then. Go back to bed."

It took a moment, but the shock wore off. "What the hell was that for?!" Jr. shouted back, jumping to his feet and glaring down at her. "Damn it, Shion! You tell me you want to talk and then you strike out at me! I don't know how the hell Allen put up with it but you should be grateful that he did because if it were me…"

"_Well I wish it had been Allen over you_!" Shion screamed at him. Then upon realizing what she'd let slip, her eyes widened and she covered her mouth. "Oh, no…"

Jr. stopped immediately. "Wait a minute. What?"

**Author's Note:** The time has come for me to say good-bye. It was nice writing this story, but I don't have to drive to continue it.

Jr: Drive? You want drive?! I'll give you drive! *pulls out his Desert Eagles* You're not gonna quit with a damn cliffhanger!

Hallie: Um… Y-yes sir… *sobbing as she continues writing* Please don't kill me… I still haven't finished Ar Tonelico II yet…

Shion: Don't worry, everyone, Jr. isn't going to let her quit.

Jr: Yeah. After everything she's put all of us through I'll be damned if I just let her quit like that.

Hallie: *still sobbing* I'll see you all next time… Please read and review… And no I'm not going to quit. It may be a bit until my next chapter, though. I've been playing Ar Tonelico II and am sadly addicted to finishing it, even if it's supposedly got a glitch to make beating it impossible. LOL it's kind of a cheesy game but it's just really amusing for me. But I'll do my best to put this story as my priority even before beating Ar Tonelico II... *grumbles some*

Jr: WHAT WAS THAT?

Hallie: Nothing, sir! Returning to work now!

Jr: Now that's what I like to hear!

See you next chapter, guys!

--Hallie (Atoli)


	6. Confusing Emotions

I'm back once again. How is everyone? Unfortunately I've had no luck with the game so I'm taking my frustrations out on this chapter. Uh, sorry. Well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I decided that if I were to own Xenosaga I would turn all the female characters into Reyvateils and put song magic into the game. Just like Ar Tonelico II. That would be awesome! Look though, it hasn't happened, so I guess I don't own rights to either game. Oh well. Good idea for a fanfic, maybe.

**Chapter 6: Confusing Emotions**

Shion stood there frozen in time for a moment. "Oh, no…" She jumped to her feet and started to the door, only to be stopped by a firm grip on her arm.

"No you don't. You had something to say, so say it," Jr. demanded.

"Please don't make me say anymore," she pleaded. "I didn't mean what I just said. I had too much to drink. I'm emotional- forget what I said. I really shouldn't be down here."

"Don't lie. You haven't even had one sip. I don't smell it on you at all," Jr. countered.

Shion turned to face him slowly, doing her best to summon up all of her courage. She just wanted to say it and get it over with. They could both have a laugh and move on their separate ways. Perhaps that way she could get over this and devote herself to searching for and loving Allen the rest of her life. That was her hope. How could she know how wrong everything was going to go? "Jr, you have been such a wonderful friend to me. And you seem to understand me in a way no one else has. I can feel close to you when I couldn't reach out to Allen for help. You and I are quite a bit alike, I suppose… Anyway, you are important to me. I'm so confused right now, though. But I know," she lowered her voice and looked away as she continued; "you are the most important person to me right now. Even when you shouldn't be. I just don't know what it means. I'm supposed to be worried about Allen right now, but for some reason I can't stop worrying about pushing you away…"

"Shion…" He was at a loss for words.

"You're someone very precious to me. I care about you so much. I just don't realize how much someone means to me until I lose them," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself hoping for some comfort.

Unable to stop himself, Jr. reached forward and pulled Shion into his embrace. "I'm sorry, Shion. I've tried for the longest time to hide it, but I can't do it anymore. You mean too damn much to me." His hand touched her face gently and he tilted in, placing a soft kiss on Shion's lips.

Her body stiffened in surprise but relaxed a bit in his arms. She slowly pulled away after a moment. "I still… don't know what to do. Allen is important to me. Just… I'm so confused. The way I feel now is so different, even from the feelings I had for Kevin."

"Shion, before anything, no matter what, you're my friend," Jr. said, softening his tone for her. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He loosened his hold on her and finally let go all together. "We need to concentrate on finding Allen and Shelley for now. Everything's too much for everyone to deal with. We're all having a rough time with this. But we'll make it."

"Jr, thank you."

He raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For what you said. That I'm your friend, no matter what." A smile graced the pretty features on her face.

"It's the truth," he replied. "We may not be ready for anything else at the moment, but I'm your friend and that's not gonna change."

She put a finger on his lips. "I want to find out what this feeling is, eventually."

"Me, too, Shion. I'll be waiting."

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Tony sat in the pilot's seat staring at the controls. True, it was on autopilot right now, but he wanted to stay up just to keep tabs on their position. Truth be told, he didn't always trust the autopilot to keep them safe. He also felt extra unease because of the current events. The loss of both Allen and Shelley was a shock and a blow to the morale of the crew. He supposed that Shion and Mary were probably hit the hardest by what had occurred. His mind wandered to Mary. She hadn't been herself since the disappearance of her sister. First losing Gaignun, and then losing her sister a mere three months later had to have been difficult. He wondered how she was holding up, really. He thought about Shion as well. Although it seemed that the Little Master had assumed responsibility in that area. Tony knew that Jr. had spoken with Shion more than once after Allen's disappearance. Mary, however didn't seem to have anyone. She had been outgoing before, but now she retreated into the cabin by herself for hours on end. _Next time I see her, maybe I'll ask her how she's been,_ he thought.

As if beckoned by his thoughts, the door slid open and she appeared on the bridge. "Tony, you're in here?" She turned to leave.

"Hey, what's up?" He waved nonchalantly at her. "Take a seat."

"I just was gonna finish some work and get on to bed." Mary yawned.

Tony shrugged. "Well I won't bother you there. If you want me to leave so you can do that I suppose I can."

The blonde shook her head. "You were here first, it's okay. See ya in the mornin'."

"Hey, Mary," Tony called.

"Yeah?"

"How've you been?" He asked.

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Some days are better than others."

"It's okay to tell me if you need anything, all right?" Tony said gently. "Just tell me if I can help you out."

He was rewarded with a smile, sad as it was. "Thanks, Tony. I'm okay, though, really. If I do need, I might just take ya up on that later, though."

"Do that, then. Well, I'm off. You finish up on whatever you needed. 'Night, Mary." Tony left the room, feeling a little better about one more thing, at least.

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Author's note: Aw, nuts... it's soo short and I couldn't figure out a good way to end this chapter, either... Sorry, I've been off and on playing that game, Ar Tonelico, but got mad at it for awhile because of that stupid battle, and now I've been obsessing over Bleach, especially Hitsugaya *glomps* He is so adorable! Maybe a bit like Jr, too. You know, the whole being older thing but being in the body of a child?

Ahem, anyways, enough of my weird fandom tastes. I've got the outline of the next chapter already, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take, so bear with me... Thank you for reading, and please if you wish review, okay? Until then, happy reading!

--Hallie (Atoli)


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